I’m a Human Being, not a Human Doing!
“Look what I did; see my work!”
Pride, though present, doubts still lurk.
“You can do it,” many said.
“Just step out; just go ahead.”
“I can’t do it, it won’t be.”
Used to be my doubter’s plea.
Still, inside, my deep desire,
Wanting so to soar much higher.
“You can do it. Yes, you can!”
Masked discreetly as my fan.
“Wow, your talents, they’re so great!
Come on go; it just can’t wait!”
Fear and terror filled my night,
Desperate now to get it “right.”
Stepping out, I faltered then,
Proving that I could not “win.”
I had failed to reach the goal.
Falling short, I crushed my soul.
I’d believed I’m what I “do;”
Missed the truth about my “who.”
I’d believed it must be so;
That I’m only what I “know.”
Will they ever really see!
See the one authentic “me!”
“Oh, it’s clear now; stop your fight.
For a while, you lost your sight.
Let me tell you, make you see,
This is what you’re meant to be.”
Soon the voices rose so loud;
Could be heard amidst the crowd.
Telling clearly what they thought.
From their life, they proudly taught.
Soon the revelation came:
“I’m the one; they’re not to blame.
I must find just who I am,
Spill the truth–break down the dam.”
Open now, I sensed the thrill;
I had swallowed freedom’s pill!
Soon my soul had taken flight;
Blown by winds to heady heights.
Reaching out for one to hear;
Trying hard to keep their ear.
I had crossed the heart’s divide;
My whole soul had opened wide.
Soon the lectures swiftly came;
I must surely be to blame.
I must “flee the youthful lust,”
Be assured, “in God we trust.”
“Continuity’s worth the fight;
And you clearly know what’s “right.”
You committed for your life;
Even though it’s full of strife.”
Then the voices faded fast;
Leaving only shadows cast.
’Til a friend who broached no doubt;
Stayed until I worked it out.
Not a word of judgment came;
No advice, no casting blame.
Waiting for God’s truth to birth;
Showing what a true friend’s worth.
Love myself is what I’ve learned;
Not through praises that I’ve earned.
Life’s not in my “know” and “do.”
It’s authentic in my “who.”
Written while in search of self.
“Then went king David in, and sat before the Lord, and he said, ‘who am I, O Lord God?’ ” 2 Samuel 7:18
Authored August 6, 1999; edited March 8, 2018