It was not the fear of finality but the fear of separation that gripped Jesus on the Cross. It is the deepest emotional pain one can experience and epitomizes the salient result of sin: separation.
God’s sole “it is not good” before the Fall was when He acknowledged that He created Adam for a relationship, not only with Himself but with someone formed and fashioned from his own flesh. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh!” “…the two are united into one.” Marriage is the earthly picture of a relationship’s divine purpose: permanence, passion, and purpose.
More than sins’ shameful weight and the spear and nails’ searing slice was the stark terror of contemplating separation from His Father. The Father did not turn away because of His inability to gaze at His sin-soaked Son but because He knew that the price of sin was silent separation.
This all-knowing Father God turned His ear and gaze from His beloved Son, the Son Who knew no sin, yet bore all sin; the One Who cried out, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?”!
And because God turned His back on His Son for a season, we need never suffer separation from God for eternity.
“Look what I did; see my work!” Pride, though present, doubts still lurk. “You can do it,” many said. “Just step out; just go ahead.” “I can’t do it, it won’t be.” Used to be my doubter’s plea. Still, inside, my deep desire, Wanting so to soar much higher. “You can do it. Yes, you can!” Masked discreetly as my fan. “Wow, your talents, they’re so great! Come on go; it just can’t wait!” Fear and terror filled my night, Desperate now to get it “right.” Stepping out, I faltered then, Proving that I could not “win.” I had failed to reach the goal. Falling short, I crushed my soul. I’d believed I’m what I “do;” Missed the truth about my “who.” I’d believed it must be so; That I’m only what I “know.” Will they ever really see! See the one authentic “me!” “Oh, it’s clear now; stop your fight. For a while, you lost your sight. Let me tell you, make you see, This is what you’re meant to be.” Soon the voices rose so loud; Could be heard amidst the crowd. Telling clearly what they thought. From their life, they proudly taught. Soon the revelation came: “I’m the one; they’re not to blame. I must find just who I am, Spill the truth–break down the dam.” Open now, I sensed the thrill; I had swallowed freedom’s pill! Soon my soul had taken flight; Blown by winds to heady heights. Reaching out for one to hear; Trying hard to keep their ear. I had crossed the heart’s divide; My whole soul had opened wide. Soon the lectures swiftly came; I must surely be to blame. I must “flee the youthful lust,” Be assured, “in God we trust.” “Continuity’s worth the fight; And you clearly know what’s “right.” You committed for your life; Even though it’s full of strife.” Then the voices faded fast; Leaving only shadows cast. ’Til a friend who broached no doubt; Stayed until I worked it out. Not a word of judgment came; No advice, no casting blame. Waiting for God’s truth to birth; Showing what a true friend’s worth. Love myself is what I’ve learned; Not through praises that I’ve earned. Life’s not in my “know” and “do.” It’s authentic in my “who.”
Written while in search of self.
“Then went king David in, and sat before the Lord, and he said, ‘who am I, O Lord God?’ ” 2 Samuel 7:18
Decisions I’ve made are now all in the past; And now His good guidance has my future cast. I’ll rise from my knees; leave my pleas of regret; His Word clearly says He’s not done with me yet. And I am not trapped by my foibles and fear, So now I will follow the pathway made clear! It’s not my “perfection” He’s longing to see; But simply with Him in communion to “be.”