My heart is inditing a good matter: I speak of the things which I have made touching the king: my tongue is the pen of a ready writer. Psalm 45:1 King James Version
Lord, when I languish in laziness, let me leap toward liveliness. Let me not rest in reason, but wrestle for righteousness. Give me not only the pen of a ready writer but the purpose of a ready rider; galloping with the Gospel of God’s plan, despite the siren call to silence.
Let a song of praise erupt from Your River of reserve, removing the rust and residue of reticence and regret. It is Your Day and Your Way!
Cleanse me from secret sins and silly whims. Impede impulse and let my will wilt and my “better” yield to Your Best. I yield inadequacy to your advocacy.
Let Your Gifts trump my talents and Your enablement my accomplishments. I embrace Your Provision in every decision. Let me stretch the rod of faith over the water of Your Purpose so that You may part the Pathway to Promise. Let my pulpit not be about prominence but purpose; my congregation consists of You and me. Let my words fall limp, and Yours leap!
I give You this day in acknowledgment that it is the one You have made. So hide me under the shadow of Your shoulder; take me from shyness to boldness. Woo me to trust a bit more, to sprint a bit faster, to stretch a bit further, to cry a bit deeper, to sing a bit louder, and to love a lot more than I possibly can without You.
There rings no “amen” that can append; as my heart hurls forth torrents of words, inadequately expressing my eagerness to become what You want me to be… more like You!
What is the temperature of your passion for the Lord? What are the things that impede that pathway to free expression? How do you express that passion? Are there experiences that have brought you to a freer expression of that passion? Are you enticed to seek for more intimacy with Him? How do you envision that happening?
I’m a Human Being, not a Human Doing!
“Look what I did; see my work!”
Pride, though present, doubts still lurk.
“You can do it,” many said.
“Just step out; just go ahead.”
“I can’t do it, it won’t be.”
Used to be my doubter’s plea.
Still, inside, my deep desire,
Wanting so to soar much higher.
“You can do it. Yes, you can!”
Masked discreetly as my fan.
“Wow, your talents, they’re so great!
Come on go; it just can’t wait!”
Fear and terror filled my night,
Desperate now to get it “right.”
Stepping out, I faltered then,
Proving that I could not “win.”
I had failed to reach the goal.
Falling short, I crushed my soul.
I’d believed I’m what I “do;”
Missed the truth about my “who.”
I’d believed it must be so;
That I’m only what I “know.”
Will they ever really see!
See the one authentic “me!”
“Oh, it’s clear now; stop your fight.
For a while, you lost your sight.
Let me tell you, make you see,
This is what you’re meant to be.”
Soon the voices rose so loud;
Could be heard amidst the crowd.
Telling clearly what they thought.
From their life, they proudly taught.
Soon the revelation came:
“I’m the one; they’re not to blame.
I must find just who I am,
Spill the truth–break down the dam.”
Open now, I sensed the thrill;
I had swallowed freedom’s pill!
Soon my soul had taken flight;
Blown by winds to heady heights.
Reaching out for one to hear;
Trying hard to keep their ear.
I had crossed the heart’s divide;
My whole soul had opened wide.
Soon the lectures swiftly came;
I must surely be to blame.
I must “flee the youthful lust,”
Be assured, “in God we trust.”
“Continuity’s worth the fight;
And you clearly know what’s “right.”
You committed for your life;
Even though it’s full of strife.”
Then the voices faded fast;
Leaving only shadows cast.
’Til a friend who broached no doubt;
Stayed until I worked it out.
Not a word of judgment came;
No advice, no casting blame.
Waiting for God’s truth to birth;
Showing what a true friend’s worth.
Love myself is what I’ve learned;
Not through praises that I’ve earned.
Life’s not in my “know” and “do.”
It’s authentic in my “who.”
Written while in search of self.
“Then went king David in, and sat
before the Lord, and he said, ‘who
am I, O Lord God?’ ” 2 Samuel 7:18
Authored August 6, 1999; edited March 8, 2018